Brotha Says He Will Not Date Black Women?

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For the past week I’ve been deep in thought about how I was going to construct this article. I usually like to find different forms of artistic expression to get my creative juices flowing. So I began to think about some of the movies I’ve seen that has addressed the interracial aspects of dating. Here are some of the movies that came to mind: Jungle Fever (1991), Save the Last Dance (2001), Something New (2006), and Monsters Ball (2001). After countless hours of uninterrupted interracial dating flick watching, I still didn’t get that spark I was hoping for. Then out of the blue—it hit me.

When it hit me, I immediately knew the direction I wanted to take. There are 2 movie characters that I will never forget: Brian Palmer (Bill Bellamy) in The Brothers and Preach (Chris Spencer) in Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood.

In the movie, The Brothers, Palmer (Bellamy) plays a highly successful brother who had suffered a number of failed relationships with black women for various reasons. Due to this relationship spin cycle, he came to the conclusion that he would exclusively date white women. He was in the N.S.A zone—No Sisters Allowed.

Similarly—in the movie, Don’t Be a Menace, Preach (Spencer) plays a self-absorbed proud black man that speaks on the need to love, protect, and nourish the Nubian Princess, only to lust after the desire, needs, and wants of a Cinderella.

So, I will use these characters as the basis for my article. Here you have 2 brothers:

  1. Brother A– Bad experiences with sisters have pushed him to the arms of white women.
  2. Brother B– Selectively prefers to date/court exclusively white women.

In the year 2016, is this still a concern? Why do people still care? These are some of the questions I tend to ask myself, but believe it or not, it is still an issue with some on both sides of the race fence.

With any type of research—to fully understand the extent to why something exists—you must first know its origin. So, let’s explore some of the historical roots. Most of us understand the psychological impact slavery, Jim Crow, and the media have had on African Americans. It’s no secret that in some aspects we’ve been conditioned to think that white is better. All that is good with the world has been painted white in our eyes. From the angels in the sky to the standards of beauty, the United States of America has routinely drilled into our minds the mental notion that white is superior.

This frame of thinking is what drives some brothers of a certain social status to seek that “trophy” wife to solidify their claim that “they’ve made it.” It just so happens that the woman of their choice tends to be those of Caucasian descent. Social acceptance amongst their peers is something that some of these “social black elites” thrives to gain. This reminds me of the classic cult movie, Livin’ Large. In the movie, a brother who was lacking in his career began to notice that the further he distanced himself from his blackness, the more successful he became. Sadly enough, there are plenty of brothers who continue to fit this mold.

So, let’s circle back to Brothers A & B.

Let’s start with Brother A. I’m sure many of you are familiar with this type of brother. I’ve heard all of the reasons why Brother A types decides to mow the lawn that he perceives to be greener (weeds grow in their garden too). Brother A’s thinking includes the following fallacies: white women are taught how to keep a man, while black women are taught how to survive without one (could be true to a certain extent). White women keep themselves up (you can see them jogging every morning). White women are easier to deal with (less argumentative). White women will enhance their social status (supposedly). All of these stereotypes are just that—stereotypes.

On the other hand Brother B’s can fall into two distinct categories: mental and environmental. Brother B Mental types are hypocritical in nature. They will talk “pro black” until their face is black and blue, but you can be certain that they drink their coffee with extra sugar and cream. Brother B Environmental types are basically products of their environment. They’ve been raised, groomed, and molded in environments that encourage them to date women of non African American descent. They tend to only identify with a certain culture and in some cases become ostracized by their own culture based on the way they talk, walk, dress, and act. This backlash leads them to become further disconnected from their roots. Some of these types tend to spew belligerent self-hating statements like a Raven Symone or Stacey Dash. Socially confused is what I like to call these individuals.

What is your interracial dating meter?

Me personally—I don’t have an issue with it. I’ve seen both good and bad come from both sides of the spectrum. The only aspect that I have an issue with is the brothers who choose to date white women exclusively only to dog sisters in the process. In my mind it’s almost like disrespecting your mother. How can you hate and disrespect the nature and being that birthed you? Love is love, I understand that and I believe in that. However, there is a thing called self-love as well. I’m not speaking about self-love in terms of individualism. Rather, I’m speaking culturally. Look at it like this: Just because you like white bread doesn’t mean wheat is bad (I love food). When you slap your favorite meat and condiments on it, it all eats the same. And if you don’t like crust (arguments), you best believe that you’ll be cutting the crust off of white bread too.

So I say all of that to say this: Brother A’s and Brother B’s, the world is not set to be a judge. You are well within your right to date whomever you please. My only ask is that you don’t be deceived into thinking that due to the choices you make dating wise, that you will become exempt from the social issues that still plague African Americans today. Too many times, I’ve seen or read about brothers who get their “Black” wake-up call in the most egregious situations. And when this happens, they attempt to reach in their pocket to pull out their “Black” card (support), only to find that it has been expired.

At the end of the day love is love; just don’t lose yourself in the process.

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