I love my friends and my friends love me. We plan things together often. We love to get together with our kids and cook. We love to get together and play cards and talk. We like to plan, we like to grow, we love to succeed. Now, all of this that we love to do doesn’t take 24 hours, 7 days a week and 365 days a year. It doesn’t take multiple text messages or long daily conversations. We all have other relationships to handle with multiple people on a daily basis in order to maintain our lives. The woman period has to juggle relationships with teachers, co-workers, grocery store clerk, property manager, supervisor, coach, after school teacher, parents, handyman you get it! Men have to do the same, so learning balance in your intimate relationships is very important. Here are a few pointers to maintaining a balance between friendships and intimate ones.
1) It’s okay to say no! Not only is it okay, but you should. You can’t be on every scene, take every trip and partake in every turn up with your friends. I see this a lot in mixed friend groups. Ones that are a soup of married and unmarried and committed relationship friends. Sometimes the married friends feel bad, don’t. Tell your single friends you can’t. Why? You’re married and your household comes first. We get it and if they don’t…oh well. Single friend…sit down sometime. I know you want to take every opportunity to meet your Boaz but find out more about yourself and get it together a little.
2) Phone Time- I have a stand in appointment with two of my friends daily. It’s because we are besties! So we are going to talk but I’m respectful of her household. If they’re with their husbands I don’t keep them long or I say call me back when you can. I know the best times to call to get my friend talk in and I don’t dial them at weird hours. So the times we talk are good and I know they will contact me when they can. I get busy too. Group Chats also help. That way multiple friends can get things together at one time without too much disruption. This goes for boyfriends too…girlfriends watch that phone time with friends and get to know your boo.
3) Pillow Talk- Don’t repeat everything to your other half that your friends tell you. Don’t tell your friends everything that your other half tells you. When things come through third party the tone, message and intent could’ve been rearranged a little. There are more things to talk about together than your issues or others issues. If all your friends have issues what will your other half begin to think. He doesn’t want you in that environment. If you tell your friends every detail what will they begin to think…he’s no good. Watch your vent sessions. This type of sharing can breed discord and division. I’m not saying don’t express yourself but watch it. How many of you have your husband/boyfriends thinking atleast two of your friends are broke thirsty hoes?! Exactly!
4) Bring him/her around! Double date and group date sometimes. It’s not always good to keep these relationships so separate. Your other half will begin to think “why are these people off limits to me?”. You can’t always be out with Tonio’s and Dre’s but we never meet them, and if you’re friends with people who you think I shouldn’t meet our you feel like I don’t need to know..that’s weird.
5) Show my friends, I am important. Women love to exhibit our love and when a man does the same it means so much more. So I’m not saying we need to impress anyone but show that you care for me publicly from time to time. That alone with other actions can be very reassuring in a relationship.
6) Isolate yourselves. It doesn’t always take a trip or a trip to the bedroom to spend some good old “qt” with your boo. Don’t be so caught up in going to the mall with your girlfriends or meeting them for brunch or fellas going to the Y to play ball for hours or the gym to lift all day! Sometimes it’s best to just spend “qt” out, not Netflix and chill with your other half.
Activities activate good energy. It allows you to connect in ways that words won’t always evoke. Know that there should be a balance between friends and relationships, you can be loyal in both relationships. Be understanding, watch what you sacrifice and know your circle. Good friends get it. So many of you all will remain single if you continue to have the “relationship” in your friendships and not with your significant other. Are you balanced?
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