When most of us think of someone being guarded of their heart, we tend to the thoughts of someone being stern, having short lived dating lives, cold shouldering potential match after match.
Our emotions are interconnected not solitary, so when one suffers so does the ability to draw from others, something we may overdraft in other emotional areas just to compensate for the lack of one. Ever seen someone experience heartbreak that then quickly turns to rage? That’s because anger is the compensation for the lack of love or significance they feel. So the next time someone says “get out your feelings” what they are then requesting of you is to not be a human being, one feeling will trigger another. Now heart break is preventable and you can control how your emotions trigger, but first I must show you the cost of “being heart broken”
See “philophobia” which is the fear of falling in love or emotional attachment is costing us in more ways than pop culture leads us to believe. It doesn’t stop at a breakup, where you’re in your room sobbing until a friend comes to pick you back up. When you finally un-cave yourself from the house, you now re-enter society with a different emotional state. Your heartbreak has caused you to be less patient, less empathetic, more stonewall and worst of all more entrenched in a negative belief. This will effect the way you engage clients or coworkers, will drive you to obsess more into your work than personal enjoyment outside the office, will cause you to be rude and condescending to others and effect your friendships, finances and health in a negative direction.
How in the world do I get rid of this fear?
First, you MUST recognize what kind of love are you giving and what kind of love you are expecting. Most of us are giving conditional love while expecting un-conditional love in return. So we are loving others because of something (they are smart, attractive, spiritually, lifestyle and i.e) and expecting them to love us regardless of anything. You get what you give, not what you want. Secondly you control your emotional states by slowing down the reaction time, think about the cause and effect of your emotions before reacting. This will allow you to breath slower, think from your prefrontal cortex instead of your emotional and dictate how a situation is will effect you emotionally. Lastly you’re sourcing “giving your love” from the most negative experience you’ve had instead from a source of the most positive experience you’ve had and likely still are having (with your friends or family still in your life).
Single? Click Here now to download and join the most trusted #1 app for black singles.