No one ever anticipates being in a relationship for years waiting on a proposal, but sometimes it just happens. Typically women are the “waiters” in the relationships, right? Especially because cultural and religious customs advise women to wait on a man to seek his wife. So we, women, ultimately wait for men to choose us and court us, with hope that he will ultimately marry us. But have you ever been in a relationship with someone for over six years without a proposal or formal commitment of any kind? Maybe you assumed it would happen at year three, and held out every year after hoping for a proposal that you may never receive. And then there is the pressure right? Because of the years spent together, everyone you know expects you two to get married, some day, and be together forever. So you hang in there, and before you know it, six or seven years roll by and your still waiting on a that proposal. Then one day you naturally question, how many years are “too many” years to wait on a man to propose?
So why do you wait?
You wait because you get very comfortable with the circumstances. You like to believe that your man has committed to you because he says and does all the right things, even though he has never formally proposed to you. So you wait and rationalize his thought process. You make excuses for him like, he hasn’t proposed because he can’t afford the ring you have your heart on or timing is not right. His lack of assertiveness becomes ok after awhile, because he “still hasn’t went anywhere”. You get comfortable with the situation and you don’t require anything more from him because you expect that your relationship will stand the test of time. Ladies, please stop selling yourself short and making excuses for his ineptness to pop the big question. When a man wants to commit, it doesn’t take him six or more years to determine if you are the one. So the issue becomes that you have made yourself too available too soon, and/or you have set no expectation of marriage.
So consider this, why would he need to propose when your treating him like your husband, without a wedding certificate or formal commitment of any kind? He doesn’t! That’s how you hear urban legends about relationships that have gone past the 15-20 year mark and no marriage.
How long should you wait?
I personally think that if you have waited at least five years for a man to propose, you probably have waited too long. The only way to know for certain if your waiting too long, is to trust your instinct. Pay attention to his behavior and be able to identify when he becomes too comfortable, because he may remain comfortable for sometime. Especially if you never address it.
Also keep in mind that if you’re giving a man the benefits of marriage without being married, that does not make him propose or commit any faster. Ignoring this behavior contributes to him becoming comfortable a lot faster than you anticipate. So set the expectation, do not make him comfortable and trust your instinct. Don’t get stuck in a relationship with the wrong person waiting on a proposal or commitment that may never come. The relationship dead end.
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