black man proposes

Just because he ask you, does not mean you say yes!

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LADIES: Have you ever said “yes” you would marry a man, just because he asked?  Even though you knew he was NOT “the one”…

I know I can’t be the only person who has been asked to marry a man that I knew I wasn’t ready to marry. Not only did I say yes, but I waited, kept myself on reserve, waiting for that man to actually propose.  And guess what, we NEVER made it down the isle.  And even though he and I didn’t get married, I know that some of you all have said “yes”,  walked down the isle, and then totally regretted it to only get divorced soon after!

So why is it that when a man asks us to marry him, we feel like we have to say yes? 

MEN: If you are wondering what on God’s green earth would make a woman do such a thing…Here are a few reasons:

  1. We are caught up in the moment!
  2. We want or expect that you will change now that you’ve proposed, and everything that was wrong will magically be perfect.
  3. We feel like your our ONLY option.
  4. We don’t want to embarrass or hurt you by saying NO!

So how do you avoid these scenarios?  Here are a few ways:

  1. Make sure you have the marriage talk before popping the question.
  2. Make the proposal intimate.  If too many people are around she may be forced to say “yes”!  If it is just the two of you, you can have that heart to heart if needed.
  3. Don’t assume she is ready for marriage.  She may say yes just because your a “good guy” even though her heart isn’t in it.

LADIES just because he asks, doesn’t mean we have to say yes!

In some of my previous relationships, my Exes would hit with the “One day you will be my wife” and/or “If I asked you to marry me what would you say?”, and I remember feeling like if he is telling me “one day you will be my wife” that it’s an attempt to see how I would react if he actually proposed.  And I would always question whether he was someone I truly wanted to be with.  And I felt if you have to ask what I would say if you asked me to marry you, than neither of us are ready!

MEN: Now correct me if I’m wrong, but I found that most men like to “make sure” his lady is going to say yes before taking that leap of faith, and asking her to marry you.  Am I right?

Let’s face it, we all know that rejection is very scary and damaging, and no man wants to be left feeling like the one he wants, doesn’t want him.  Actually that applies to everyone because no one wants to want someone that doesn’t want them!  But what if she only said yes, because you asked, and not because you were “the one”?  How would that make you feel?

I know we get caught up in the idea of what it could be.  I mean nowadays marriage is the “American Dream”.  We long for a home with a white picket fence with a perfect family, two children (a boy and a girl). To gain all this is NOT the reason to say yes.  Say yes to the man you are in love with and not to the man you are in strong like with, or settling for because you feel like you have no other options.

It is hard not to say yes do to the pressure of being a single woman. Women are often judged for “being single” like it is a curse.  I can only speak  for myself but as a single woman, heavily focused on myself, I get the “your still single?” side eye from people all the time. Just because I am approaching 32 and I am not married, nor do I have any children, people assume I am apparently NOT doing something right.  When in fact, I am single and dating in a way that is the best way for me!

When you establish a relationship with someone you set the expectation.  If marriage is never discussed, I am pretty sure, marriage is NOT an option.  I don’t know about you, but I take LOVE very seriously.  And I am all about saving  tears, time and heartache; therefore I only want to say “yes” one time only.  When I am ready to marry I will make sure it is right for both of us.

So I want to hear from you!

LADIES:  Have you found yourself in a situation where he asked, and you said “yes” but you knew it was NOT the right thing to do?

MEN: How would it make you feel to know she only said “yes” because you asked, not because she really wanted to spend the rest of her life you?

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