It is amazing how much we expect from others but never require the same from ourselves. One early December morning I asked my friends via a Facebook post, “Would you date yourself?” The question came about after having several conversations with women and men about expectations we develop when considering a future partner. The responses ranged from,“Heck yes!” to “Five years ago I wouldn’t.” And even better “Why not? I’m great?!”
Its human nature to have a completely skewed perception of ourselves sitting on a pedestal meanwhile potential suitors are expected to hail down and show homage. However, sometimes we never stop to consider, are we worthy of that which we so seek in others? We want an educated partner but we are not willing to go back to school to complete our degree. We want someone with a fancy vehicle, but we do not have sufficient credit to finance our own.
A lot of what we desire in a potential mate is contrived by what we see. He or she must do certain things to attain our love thanks to that new car her husband bought plastered all over social media. The edible arrangements that was delivered to her job. The vacation getaway to the island we barely can pronounce. Many of us look through a prism and only see the rewards of a relationship, not understanding what it takes to benefit from a fruitful relationship. Instead we chase after people that can supply us with the shiny things for instant gratification. We have to ask ourselves, are material and superficial items really the criteria to see if a person is good enough for us to be with?
If it is not social media, it is hollywood that has generated the blueprint of who we should aim after. We want our “Darrius” from Love Jones to write us a poem and perform it on stage. We crave dancing in the rain on the first date. I am here to confirm that these things may never happen. Do not let those self defeating concepts get in the way of opportunity and hinder you from finding your potential soulmate.
Everyday we pass up the opportunity to meet an individual who can be our perfect balance, but our perception of the person will not even allow for a conversation. Always remember, no one is perfect and being too judgmental is a dating hinderance. Allow the possibility of an organic relationship where you get to know a person without expectations.
Does he/she have annoying habits? We all do. Does he/she fashion or style does not mount up to your expectation? It’s not the clothes that’s important it’s the person whose wearing them that is. The mall is right down the street. The important things that you need to find out are, what is their character? What do they prioritize in their lives? Learn to embrace them as a human-being and the positives they bring to the table.
I encourage you to push yourself to become the type of partner you would like for yourself before anticipating that in others. Be someone who is financially, mentally, physically and spiritually stable. As they say we can only attract that which deep down inside we are. So before you say no or get upset at the next potential candidate for not being exactly what you wanted, take a cold hard look in the mirror and decide if you are the type of person they should want as well.
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