How many times have we as women sacrificed our happiness, health, and hearts, for the sake of clinging to a no-good relationship? Those sacrifices happen far more often than we would like to admit to ourselves, and in the end we end up hurt, broken, and more confused about what true love is than when we started. Here are three things to consider so you do not find yourself in a fruitless relationship.
Stop Ignoring Red Flags
My grandma was my go-to homegirl for relationship advice. When I first began dating I’d dish on all the seemingly important things that made my teenage love life relevant. One key piece of advice grandma gave me was to pay attention to any and all red flags. What did she mean? How would I know to pay attention to something that I couldn’t recognize? Gram explained to me that a red flag in any relationship was anything that raised my eyebrow–anything that made my stomach flutter or brought my conscience into question. These gut instincts, also known as our intuitions, are our innate warning devices that tell us trouble is brewing. When we are blindly, hopelessly, and dangerously in love, we tend to ignore these glaring red flags for the sake of sustaining our burning relationships. Grandma said stop it.
Kill the Excuses
He said he didn’t mean it. He said it, “just happened.” He said he’s sorry–again. Why is it that when our relationships head south, we tend to excuse being treated poorly? I dated a guy for almost a year before I found out that he had another girlfriend. When I found out he was seeing someone else he tried to present every excuse he could think of to explain away his behavior. Quite honestly I must admit, he had the gift of gab. I almost believed that he was sincere in his attempts to keep me around. But like grandma told me, I had to pay attention to the beaming red flags and realize that this relationship would only leave me broken in the end. I deserved better than a relationship steeped in dishonesty. Ladies, put your heart at the top of your priority list, and kill the excuses.
Cut the Self Deprecation
Speaking of priorities, where does your heart fall on your own priority list? When is the last time you looked in the mirror and smiled at your beautiful reflection? Often times we can become so wrapped up in our warped perceptions of love and outside relationships that we neglect the most important relationship we could ever have: the one with ourselves. Self-love does not equate to selfishness. Speak affirming words to yourself. Make time for yourself. Be kind to yourself. Appreciate your own uniqueness. Cut the self-defeating attitude and actions. Love yourself, and watch how much stronger you become.
Single? Click Here now to download the #1 app for black singles.