black marriage proposal
Life is so unpredictable. One day you feel so comfortable and the next day you are totally wrecked. One day you sit down and you reflect, you compare and contrast a little and immediately you become unhappy. It starts with questions, simple text messages, clarity, conversations and then realizations. You realize your dreams are only yours. You realize what you thought you were building is one-sided. That’s your fault. The proof is in the pudding, believe what you see and investigate what you hear if it’s even worth it because a “wolf ticket” will keep you waiting and waiting and waiting until one day time punches you in the throat and you choke on your realizations and feel like you’re dying. Dying from the times you talked yourself into staying in something that wasn’t founded on the same expectations. I call it “The Frodo Complex”. Do you remember Frodo from “Lord of the Rings”? He was enamored by “the precious”. It controlled him to point of insanity. That’s how we are as women. Some of us become so enamored by the thought of the ring and the wedding that once we feel like we are close to it or deserve […]

Obsessed with “The Precious” Ring?

black friends
I love my friends and my friends love me. We plan things together often. We love to get together with our kids and cook. We love to get together and play cards and talk. We like to plan, we like to grow, we love to succeed. Now, all of this that we love to do doesn’t take 24 hours, 7 days a week and 365 days a year. It doesn’t take multiple text messages or long daily conversations. We all have other relationships to handle with multiple people on a daily basis in order to maintain our lives. The woman period has to juggle relationships with teachers, co-workers, grocery store clerk, property manager, supervisor, coach, after school teacher, parents, handyman you get it! Men have to do the same, so learning balance in your intimate relationships is very important. Here are a few pointers to maintaining a balance between friendships and intimate ones. 1) It’s okay to say no! Not only is it okay, but you should. You can’t be on every scene, take every trip and partake in every turn up with your friends. I see this a lot in mixed friend groups. Ones that are a soup of married and […]

Are Your Friends Keeping You Single?

Donisha Reed and Keith Campbell Couple of the Month on
Let’s congratulate Keith Campbell and Donisha Reed on qualifying for the $1,000 Grandprize as September 2016 Couple Of The Month on The couple is in a relationship and reside in Dallas, Tx. What We Do: Donisha is a Hairstylist and Keith is a Truck Driver How We Met: The first time I saw Donisha, I was at church about 3 years ago. I put off approaching her that Sunday and thought I would have another opportunity to introduce myself the following Sunday. Unfortunately, that opportunity didn’t come again until 2+ years later. She brought her mother, sister and son to church and I didn’t waste the opportunity to introduce myself. Our First Date: I invited Donisha out for dinner, restaurant of her choice and she chose a place known for it’s barbeque. The atmosphere was pleasant, however it was Donisha’s personality that was impressive. We enjoyed one another’s company and conversation. After enjoying dinner, we took a walk through parts of downtown Dallas while getting to know each other better.   What Attracted you to Him: He had a nice smile. He smelled good and he was dressed in a nice suit. He was a perfect gentlemen and he also was very expressive, […]

Couple of the Month (September 2016)

Real Black Love Dating App
Are you Tired of Dating? Finally find what you deserve today on RealBlackLove. Click HERE or the icon above to download the iPhone/iPad app. Click HERE or the icon above to download the android app. App Links: Success Stories FAQ | Support   Real Black Love Stories Read about Joseph Dixon (’s CEO/Founder) finding love on RealBlackLove app along with other testimonials from members. Click Here  THE REALBLACKLOVE DIFFERENCE QUALITY SINGLES Most black dating apps are come one, come all, and it can be a task trying to figure out the agenda of people you may encounter. On RealBlackLove you can be assured that you are surrounded by like-minded people looking to make substantial connections. Our members are a smart, driven and goal-oriented singles that do not have time for the games that are sometimes associated with dating. They deserve something real. FREE COMMUNICATION Not ready to upgrade? As a standard member you have the luxury of one FREE email each week to get your feet wet. PEACE-OF-MIND BILLING There is nothing more intrusive than to be billed for a service with without prior notice. First thing our team decided not to conform to is the billing statement surprise. We will never re-bill your credit/debit card upon the expiration […]

RealBlackLove Dating App

black woman sad dating
While single, women, men too, should focus on becoming a better person and changing those things, within themselves, they want to either strengthen, decrease or stop altogether. The biggest mistake men and women make is hopping from relationship to relationship and dragging a big proverbial hefty trash bag behind them that is full of all the toxic mess from every relationship they have ever been in. Not dealing with the reason(s) why the last relationship didn’t work out isn’t going to make the next one a success. Likewise, not tending to that emotional baggage will, in turn, create more frustration and show an unhealthy person mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Men and women who deal with their emotional baggage, sort it, learn the lessons and discard what has not been useful to them, are being responsible in their own emotional and mental health. Instead of becoming a relationship hopper, stop, reflect, release and heal from those things that caused the last relationship to end. Take a long, hard look at yourself, admit the mistakes you made and how these mistakes led to the relationship ending. Being honest with yourself allows you to discard those “issues” you’ve continuously stuff into the compartments […]

Are You Dating With Toxic Trash or Heavy Luggage?

Power of Women
Who runs the world? Girls! Who runs this motha? Girls! Who runs the world? Girls!-Beyoncé When my wife start to sing Beyoncé’s song I would say, “Here we go again, another man hating song!” Then after catching my ear, I begin to realize that there is a lot of truth to the song. While I may not agree with all her songs, Run the World is one of the ones I totally agree with. I have come to know that even though that in this society, men are portrayed as having the most powerful positions. In the last couple of decades women have become just as powerful. Coming up I was taught to always make sure I stayed groomed to impress the ladies. There are things that men do to gain the attention of a lady. We try for the best jobs that way we can buy the best clothes, cars to achieve a sense of status in order to gain the attention of the right woman. Men have gone out of their way for centuries to make sure they not only grabbed the attention of a woman but kept it. Women are very powerful beings. It is amazing that they can go to work, take care […]

The Power of Women.

Demar Howell and Nicole Mack August 2016 Couple Of The Month on
Let’s congratulate Demar Howell and Nicole Mack on qualifying for the $1,000 Grandprize as August 2016 #CoupleOfTheMonth on Reside in Orangeburg, SC. Together 7 Years.   What We Do: Demar is a barber/ Owner of HeadzUp Barbershop. Nicole works as at Koyo JTEKT. How We Met: I saw her picture on an online website (MySpace). I immediately told my cousins that this woman is going to be my girlfriend. They laughed at said yeah right. We later began to chat then exchanged numbers. We went back and forth for almost two years. The First Date: After chatting online and over the phone for 2 years we decided to go out to Dinner and a movie. We both teased each other saying our online pics was not who we were. We instantly realized we both loved to laugh and have fun. We didn’t want the night to end so we drove from Columbia to Lamar so I could meet Nicole’s family. What attract you to him: He was very persistant. No matter how much I tried to ignore his calls or message he never gave up. After having conversation with him I realized that he always kept me laughing. He had a wonderful sense of humor and […]

Couple of the Month (August 2016)

black woman and black man on bad date
When I am forced to make tough decisions in life, a pros and cons list always proves beneficial. If the pros dramatically outweigh the cons, the decision is a no-brainer. So, when I decided to venture out into the wonderful (and scary) world of dating again, I made my “red flag list,”  my deal-breaker list, if you will. And when one of my red flags starting whipping in the breeze, I immediately flagged the play, politely informing my prospect that I was no longer interested. Now, why do I take these red flags so seriously? It’s simple. If I would have acknowledged the signs earlier in my last relationship, I wouldn’t have wasted so much of my time, effort, and emotional investment with no return. Well, I will side-step the word “wasted” because I believe everything that happens in life, whether positive or negative, is a lesson learned. However, emotional investments are delicate creatures and should not be wasted. Some people sincerely invest so much emotionally in relationships that when the relationship is over, mental and emotional scars are all that remain. It can take months, sometimes even years, to become emotionally able to truly give themselves to another person […]

Dating? Watch out for Red Flags!

Real Black Love
If it is the case that we fall in love with our hearts and not with our heads, why are so many of us dating with our heads? Isn’t falling in love the end result we all want? Let’s just say that the universe has awarded us in abundance the ability to love and to be loved. There is no cap on the amount of love one individual can give or receive. Why not be the first in line to receive and give something so amazing. It is through our hearts that we experience love. Most of us, actively dating singles would say that, “It’s scary to make decisions with my heart” or “I don’t want to be hurt, so I need to keep my guard up.” How many of us are waiting for our intellect to approve our love relationships? 1.     Fall, but fall feet first. Do the preliminary work. Know the core of the person you are getting involved with. You’ll never really know everything about a person. You can however, know their CORE, the center from which all moral and ethical principles are based, you’ll know enough to allow that person into your life. People tell you […]

Dating With Your Heart Instead of Your Mind.

Joseph Dixon Matchmaker Real Black Love Founder and CEO
My mission is very simple, to assist highly-eligble singles in finding a relationship with the potential for long term success. My team and I want to help you make a 360° turn in your love life. A matchmaker is only as good as their network of singles. With that being said, I use my network of over 200,000+ singles to find you the perfect suitor. No other matchmaker can top the potential suitors that I can present to you. I ensure that you have the best chance for romantic success. I thrive on helping intelligent, successful, motivated people like you to find the relationship that you desire. I thoroughly enjoy working with highly-eligible singles that are either fatigued with dating or just do not have the time to dedicate in finding that perfect person. Are you serious about finding a relationship with longevity potential? Let me be your love broker! I would love to work for you, finding you something real. VIP MATCHMAKING PACKAGES STARTING AT $8,000   BENEFITS OF REALBLACKLOVE VIP MATCHMAKING: 1. I will work with you through the entire process to find your ideal match. 2. Freedom from your computer – no updating profiles, managing matches or juggling communication. You have a hectic schedule to tend to, you don’t need […]

VIP Matchmaking with Joseph Dixon

Black Co-Workers Dating
So, you and a co-worker have really been hitting it off. But, should you go for it? At one time or another, everyone has at least thought about or tried the office romance. But the real question is: Is it ok? Can a workplace romance really work and be fruitful, or will it end in a complete disaster? Well, the answer is……It all depends…….. The honest reality is that the success of an office romance depends on the individual that you choose to connect with. Do you want something serious? Does he/she want the same? If it is purely a “physical” thing, then the answer is simple.  DO NOT DO IT! Once the attraction and lust has dissipated, all you will be left with is awkwardness, tears, and drama . It’s simply not worth it. A friend of mine lost a six-figure job because of the insane drama that directly stemmed from an affair. Sorry, there is no one night fling that is worth your livelihood. No way! It’s ultimately very important to know the type of person you are dealing with. If your relationship prospect is a “Drama King/Queen,” “Player,” or “Gossiper,” you are just setting yourself up for […]

To Date a Co-worker or Not?

You would think that when a man goes online to use a “dating” app or website that he’s looking for one thing and one thing only. However, it turns out that most such men aren’t looking for sex. According to a new independent survey conducted online by, RealBlackLove, 75 percent of black men ages 27 – 50* who are open to dating online have the intention of finding a serious relationship. The poll, which surveyed over 500 men between the ages of 27 and 50 with an annual household income of $40,000 or more, an associate’s degree or higher and an interest in women, revealed that, of those who have dated or are open to dating online, 55 percent list looking for a potential marriage partner as a relationship objective of online dating. 59 percent of men list seeking companionship, while only 34 percent list using online dating sites looking purely for sex. Furthermore, the study reveals that the majority of men ages 27 – 50* can be romantics willing to make an effort for a big payoff: the Real Black Love survey revealed that 81 percent of these men are open to dating a woman outside their city and half would definitely or probably […]

Survey Reveals that 75 percent of Black Men Who Date are Looking for…

black man cheating
Last month I discovered what I now consider to be my new “go-to” television channel for that ethnic programming balance I fiend for at times—Aspire TV. Aspire was created and launched by legendary NBA player and entrepreneur Magic Johnson back in 2012. In my discovery, I found a golden nugget of a television show called ABFF Independent. For those who are not familiar with ABFF, it’s an annual event that showcases the talented African American content creators on the independent circuit. Aspire has created a show based on the festival to bring some of ABFF’s best work to the tube. While I was deep into my viewing pleasure, I became immersed in one of the shorts that premiered. The premise of the short film revolved around two individuals who developed a friendship, dated and a proposal pursued. At the apex of the excitement of the proposal, the young man was immediately deflated as his plead for the young woman’s hand in marriage was rejected. Through context clues, the film displayed that the reason for the young woman’s dismissal was due to her emotional attachment she still had to her ex. To make a long story short: they broke up, the […]

The Depth of an Emotional Affair.

black woman sad and depressed
Have you ever experienced the smitten spirit of all things heavenly quickly leave your body reversing the real thing to regret? Have you ever watched your romantic comedy turn into a thriller?  I mean, no person truly invested wants to just walk away from a budding relationship – but there’s only so much one can take before the strength of love dissipates and the agony of defeat presides. Here’s the burning question: When things fall apart do you wallow in sorrow? Do you drown in your tears and play the blame game or choose to sing and dance in the rain? Gene Kelly made Singing in the Rain famous by denouncing his gray clouds of sadness and recapturing a “glorious” feeling making him ready to love again.  Donny Hathaway recorded a melancholy ballad in 1975 titled Sunshine over Showers where he compared summer skies to his beloved and rain showers to the pain of the ebb and flow of his relationship. This old 1-2 is especially and most often touted in response to matters of the heart. Many compare relationship stress to a storm; often referring to the subsequent tears and impending pain as thunder and rain, respectively. I have […]

When Things Fall Apart.

black men singles event networking
Would you agree that black men don’t attend singles and networking events? As a person that hosts social events, I often find myself staring at a crowd full of women and it makes me wonder, why? Don’t get me wrong, there are the guys that enjoy attending these types of events and reap the benefits. Either way, the brothers are often M.I.A. when it comes to the events and I just wanted to shine some light on the situation because men are missing out on some great opportunities! I have put together a list of three reasons why men don’t go to single and networking events. Men are creatures of habit Who remembers the old television show “Cheers”? The theme song is truly a classic and it became the shows tagline, “Where everybody knows your name”. If you don’t remember, it’s quite alright because the premise of the show was quite simple. The owner of the bar was a guy named Sam, who used to be a major league pitcher for the Boston Red Sox. After a long battle with a drinking addiction that ended his career, Sam opened a bar in Boston, where his buddies came to drink each and every day. […]

3 Reasons Black Men Don’t Do Singles and Networking Events

catching feelings
I was always told by my grandfather to find a man that loved me more so I would always have a true love surrounding me. As I listen to my single friends, and their horror stories of the current dating scene, I am starting to wonder if it is even possible to find true love anymore. Growing up, I believed my grandfather wholeheartedly but experience has since taught me that he was wrong. If you cannot love someone the way they love you, then why even pursue the relationship? I think it is unfortunate that we have all been programmed to have unrealistic expectations about love, dating and marriage. Fairy tales don’t exist and unfortunately, when that fact is realized, people tend to become jaded. Nowadays, it is all about hooking up, playing games and no matter how intimate the relationship, everything is simply a friendship. God forbid anyone “catches feelings” as is the common saying. I believe it is impossible for one person or the other not to “catch feelings”. Intimacy brings a bond whether it is desired or not. That is really what it was meant for, to bring two people closer and take their relationship to another level. […]

Catching Feelings…

Black man and woman in bed making love
I know the title of this article sounds harsh, but allow me to go there for a moment. It pains me to see how many daggers are thrown to previous women. So often on my timeline I see quotes like, “He chose me not you.”. “You didn’t measure up.” or “It’s a reason why I’m the wife/girlfriend and your not.” Not only do these phrases scream insecurity, but they reek of jealousy. Who in their right mind, happy in their relationship, would even acknowledge someone from their significant other’s past in general? What is the point in making them relevant again? There is no good reason to do that, so why waste your energy putting that out into the atmosphere? Especially if that woman removed herself as an option, so he had no one else to choose but you. It’s unfortunate how hard it is for some women to actualized the idea that a woman in your boyfriend, fiancé or husband’s past may have actually walked away from him. Just because you deal with him, love him and want him, doesn’t mean that the only reason he left his Ex is because she was inadequate, wasn’t the one or wasn’t […]

He Chose You Because I Was No Longer An Option!

When reading about love, sex, dating and relationships online or in the mainstream media, it is seldom we find positive, helpful articles about black love. Over the last five years, black relationships have become visible in the mainstream à la ‘Love & Hip Hop,’ other celebrity-focused productions, and sitcoms — which is a great thing but — we’re more than that. We deserve more diversity, responsibility and guidance, and balance and wellness. Weeks ago when appointed to cover the following topics for Real Black Love, I thought it was important to make my research inclusive. I asked ‘real’ people (males, females, and transpeople of different cultures and ages) to share what they’d like to read more of when it comes to black love. Some were emotional, insightful, asked questions and one guy thought he received my text in error. He disclosed that what I asked was ‘that’ rare. Some didn’t know where to begin, some shared their frustrations with me, and others have yet to reply. (You can’t win all the time.) We felt a kaleidoscope of emotions. One response made me weep like a toddler. The responses varied amongst the abundance of people I contacted, yet there was a […]

More Black Love, Please!

black woman broken hearted
  When most of us think of someone being guarded of their heart, we tend to the thoughts of someone being stern, having short lived dating lives, cold shouldering potential match after match. Our emotions are interconnected not solitary, so when one suffers so does the ability to draw from others, something we may overdraft in other emotional areas just to compensate for the lack of one. Ever seen someone experience heartbreak that then quickly turns to rage? That’s because anger is the compensation for the lack of love or significance they feel. So the next time someone says “get out your feelings” what they are then requesting of you is to not be a human being, one feeling will trigger another. Now heart break is preventable and you can control how your emotions trigger, but first I must show you the cost of “being heart broken” See “philophobia” which is the fear of falling in love or emotional attachment is costing us in more ways than pop culture leads us to believe. It doesn’t stop at a breakup, where you’re in your room sobbing until a friend comes to pick you back up. When you finally un-cave yourself from […]

Fear of Getting Your Heart Broken.

Black Woman Cheating
I could develop a list of reasons that deter women from being faithful in relationships but it all boils down to one simple fact.  Yeah that’s right, just one!  Women only cheat when they’re unhappy.  Yep.  That’s the only reason. Ladies if you think I’m lying, just take a moment to consider the last time you cheated on your significant other. No matter what explanation you start to deliver in your response, you’ll most certainly in the end explaining what was done that made you unhappy. More specific causes of unhappiness, that yields cheating, typically include annoyance with certain behaviors, inability to show love and lack of sexual satisfaction. To all the men that are reading this, you are welcome! I just gave you the most uncomplicated fact about women. Women are always regarded as emotionally unstable, which is why men associate women as being “too complicated”.  Most men believe that we overthink and over-complicate situations, when in fact we are pretty stable and simple. Typically when women cheat, they tend to separate their emotions just fine. The only way emotions become involved in situations of infidelity is if emotions were never present in the primary relationship. Women only emotionally connect with a […]

The ONLY Reason Why Women Cheat!

Real Black Love Couple of the Month Voting
MEET THE NOMINEES FOR OCTOBER You can vote for your favorite couple once every 24 hours. Voting ends October 31, 2016 Douglas and Keshonna Matthews Married, together 6 years reside in Bailey, NC Scottie and Ashley Chapman Married, together 13 years reside in Columbia, SC. Anthony and Patrice Harvey Married 3 years and reside in Humble, Tx.   Bradley and Candice Johnson Married, together 4 years and reside in Chicago, IL. Sunne-Ryse and Kyle Smith Married 13 years. Reside in West Orange, NJ. Antione and Yolanda Koonce-Barbour Married 7 years. Reside in Lexington, KY.   Omoruyi Osagiede and Eulanda Shead Married, together for 4 years and reside in Denver, CO. Joseph Howard and Bridget Dunlop Engaged, together for 5 years. Reside in Chicago, IL. Jervise and Alisa Locke Married. Together 19 years. Reside in Goose Creek, SC. Terrance and Tamesha Dobbs-McCants Married. Together 18 years. Reside in Brewton, AL. Dominique Kelly and Latisha Kelly Married, together for 3 year and reside in Greensboro, NC   Dieuseul Benoit and Olga Benoit Married, together 22 years and reside in Grand Rapids, Michigan.   Ken Schulters and Rhonda Schulters Married, together 17 years and reside in Brooklyn, NY.   Nominations for next month’s Couple of the Month are now being accepted. CLICK HERE to nominate you […]

Couple Of The Month Voting

black woman mad
How many times have we as women sacrificed our happiness, health, and hearts, for the sake of clinging to a no-good relationship? Those sacrifices happen far more often than we would like to admit to ourselves, and in the end we end up hurt, broken, and more confused about what true love is than when we started. Here are three things to consider so you do not find yourself in a fruitless relationship. Stop Ignoring Red Flags My grandma was my go-to homegirl for relationship advice. When I first began dating I’d dish on all the seemingly important things that made my teenage love life relevant. One key piece of advice grandma gave me was to pay attention to any and all red flags. What did she mean? How would I know to pay attention to something that I couldn’t recognize? Gram explained to me that a red flag in any relationship was anything that raised my eyebrow–anything that made my stomach flutter or brought my conscience into question. These gut instincts, also known as our intuitions, are our innate warning devices that tell us trouble is brewing. When we are blindly, hopelessly, and dangerously in love, we tend to ignore […]

You Need To Cut It: Quit Accepting Heartache

Happy Black Woman and Man Relationship
Many men have said that women are hard to understand and they find it very hard to figure out what their woman really wants and needs to keep their relationship happy and on track. The 20 tips below are not a rule book for each and every woman but they are a very good guide to work with. Fellas, use these tips wisely to keep your woman happy. 1. Small things count. Some men think all they have to do is surprise us once and they’re set for life, but trust, women keep notes. Try picking-up her favorite feel-good treat while you’re on your way home this evening (clue, it’s either wine, chocolate or cheese) or buy her that new item she has been talking about non-stop. Trust, she will show her appreciation. 2. The E-word. Effort (a word no man is unfamiliar with) is always the hitch. How about cook her dinner. There’s nothing sexier to a woman than a man who knows his way around the kitchen. Take out the trash, call her to see how her day is or do something really special for her anniversary. 3. Confidence is hot, arrogance is NOT. Every woman loves a man who’s comfortable in his […]

20 Ways to Keep Your Black Woman Happy!

real black love black married couple
It’s that time of year again when thousands of women say yes to the bling and wedding invitations appear in the mailbox with your choice of chicken or fish. Your Facebook timeline is polluted with cheesy engagement photos and epic proposals; one outdoing the other. All of a sudden you’re aware more than ever of just how single you are! You try to hide, but you know better and adjust to the new found excitement but deep down you’ve seen how this plays out before…another friend bites the dust. Staying hopeful you attend the wedding and then…you never talk to your friend again. Okay I’m being a little dramatic, but things certainly do change and they change fast. In the beginning I harbored so much jealousy and anger due to the adjustments that I wasn’t ready for and there were so many things that I wish I could have told my girlfriends before they walked down that aisle. I felt alienated and for awhile I faded to the background but over time we worked on our friendship because they needed me just as much as I needed them. However in order for us to maintain our own relationship, it required […]

Married Women Be Kind To Your Single Friends.

As it relates to causes of divorce, breakups, and relationship problems, it doesn’t take an expert to understand that infidelity ranks atop the list. Having been a man my entire life, I can only offer perspective on why men cheat, however, females are cheaters too! There are many triggers that can cause a man to cheat ranging from revenge to emotional instability. There is no real way to determine if a man will cheat, yet this article will help you better understand your man by outlining three specific triggers that can cause any man to cheat. He’s thirsty Please don’t allow your man to get thirsty, which often tends to happen once women get comfortable! If a man has to request affection from you, it could be a sign that he is thirsty! The only way to quench a man’s thirst for love, affection, and sexual pleasure is to be exactly what he needs you to be in a given situation. This could mean complimenting your man before he leaves for work or offering a quickie the moment he returns. It’s not always about sex for men because some of us just want a woman to cook a hot meal. […]

3 Reasons Men Cheat

african american wedding
The beauty of marriage: the legally or formally recognized union of a man and a woman as partners in a relationship, the date women circle on their calendars with a huge red heart, the day some men dread as young boys, then there’s the one element that many of us forget to take into consideration—the in-laws (specifically the mother of the bride). I was watching a movie this past weekend that demonstrated how and why the potential negative interference from an in-law can be detrimental to the health of one’s marriage. In the movie, there was this hard-working brother doing what he could with what he had to provide the type of life-style he and his wife desired. However, no matter how hard or how much he did to make that a reality, it was never enough in the eyes of his wife’s mother. The mother-in-law’s venom then began to penetrate into the mind of his wife (which shouldn’t happen), in-which the conflict began to arise. I’ve seen and heard about this story line plenty of times (I was actually at an event this past week and this question came up there too). In many cases this issue became the sole […]

I Married You, Not Your Mother!

black woman with kids and children
So I am talking to a client and she informed me that she is done with dating men without children. I asked her why and she stated that men without kids just don’t get it. After our conversation I thought about the first time I dated a woman with children. It definately was trial by fire. For the men out there who have yet to, or have gone by it all wrong, here are five things you must know when choosing to date a woman with kids.   1. Are You Ready for Commitment? Women with children are not dating just for the fun of it, they have an agenda. From the first date, you need to know that you are actually in a place to have a real relationship. A woman with children is looking for a partner, not a buddy. Leave the games at the door. If you are not serious and not ready to settle down, don’t persue her.   2. Are You Ready to Be a Step-Father? When dating a woman with children the end game is becoming a father. Know that she is a package deal. You can’t have all of her without accepting her kids. Can you see yourself being the disciplinary? Do […]

What To Know When Dating a Single Woman with Kids

Black man proposing
No one ever anticipates being in a relationship for years waiting on a proposal, but sometimes it just happens. Typically women are the “waiters” in the relationships, right?  Especially because cultural and religious customs advise women to wait on a man to seek his wife.  So we, women, ultimately wait for men to choose us and court us, with hope that he will ultimately marry us.  But have you ever been in a relationship with someone for over six years without a proposal or formal commitment of any kind?  Maybe you assumed it would happen at year three, and held out every year after hoping for a proposal that you may never receive.  And then there is the pressure right?  Because of the years spent together, everyone you know expects you two to get married, some day, and be together forever.  So you hang in there, and before you know it, six or seven years roll by and your still waiting on a that proposal.  Then one day you naturally question, how many years are “too many” years to wait on a man to propose? So why do you wait? You wait because you get very comfortable with the circumstances. […]

How Long Should I Wait For Him to Propose?

Are first impressions the best Impressions when it comes to dating? When I think back to my bachelor days, first dates usually offered the worst representations of who I was as a person. For some reason, I would always end up at a restaurant struggling to find things to discuss over dinner. Here are 5 rules to help you avoid the pitfalls I experienced on dinner dates. Put the phone down Today cell phones are literally mini-computers. They can also be first date killers. If you want to turn a person off quick, keep looking at your cell phone. Give your date a fair shake and put the phone down. As a matter of fact, leave your phone in the car! If you have children or need to check on things back at home, step away and phone home during a bathroom break. Be interested When I was single and dating, the first order of business was to prove that I’m “That Dude” right off gate! If I said enough interesting things about myself upfront, the night would surely end well, which was often not the case. Focus on being interested in the beginning, rather than interesting. You should be […]

5 Rules to First Dinner Dates

sad black man in relationship
All of us at some point in our lives have had that one dream. I’m not speaking about dreams of lust or nightmares; I’m speaking of that dream in terms of our desire to possibly do something—do something special. I’m speaking of that dream that haunts you both night and day. I’m speaking about that passion that won’t escape your heart. I’m speaking about that calling we all seek at some point in our lives (you get the point). So, what happens when we stop dreaming? What causes us to stop? These are some of the questions that I tend to ask myself as I often hear stories of people who become frustrated with their role in this movie we call life. While there are many reasons why one may stop dreaming and succumb to the perceived realities of life, the most common themes that I tend to hear about and have experienced is—fear and support. Fear is understandable—natural. Fear makes people uncomfortable. I was once told that when you find yourself uncomfortable, you’re at your highest level of creativity. The more I think about it—it’s true. Support on the other hand is a little tricky. For sake of this […]

My Woman Doesn’t Support My Dream

social media relationship curse
Is your partner asking you why are you not posting their picture on your Instagram, or wondering why he/she has not yet been your #MCM or #WCW? Are your weary about posting him/her on your social media accounts? Do you feel obligated to validate your partner or spouse by posting them on your social media accounts? If you have answered yes to one or more of these questions, it is because social media now has a hold on relationships and has since its inception. It all started with Facebook relationship status updates. Sure enough, most people in love want to be sure to let the world know who the object of their affection is.  Yet, then on the flip side, you notice the happy pictures of new couples or recent engagements all of a sudden no longer show up on your timeline.  It’s because of what I like to call the Social Media Relationship Curse.  The curse typically impacts newly established relationships, engagements, or those couples who post every single aspect of their relationship on social media. Social media is used by many to validate their partner or to show how much they love their partner. Social media has also created a wedge between many couples. What many don’t realize […]

The Social Media Curse on Relationships.

Black Couple in Relationship Arguing
If you’re anything like me, you’ve thought of changing a thing or two about your partner that would make them the perfect mate.  But before you make the request for them to change, you ask yourself “He/She should be willing to change for me right?”  The answer is usually, “If they love me, of course they should!”  So, then you feel confident enough to share your feelings with your partner in hopes that they will willingly change for you.  And in some cases they actually do try to change, just to please you.  Yet, unfortunately over time, it doesn’t quite workout because they feel like they are not good enough for you.  Or they grow tired of not being true to themselves. So, in response to the question “My Mate Should Be Willing To Change For Me, Right?” THE ANSWER IS NO! If your asking yourself why not, take a moment to consider the idea that if you have the desire to change your mate, you may not really love him/her for who they are.  You may only love your mate for who you believe they are capable of becoming.  And that sets a bar of expectation that your mate never signed up for. Now think about […]

My mate should change for me…Right?

better black relationship
Whether embarking on a new relationship or diving deeper into your current relationship, it is very important that communication stay open and demystified. If you are new lovers, delve into some hard conversations in the beginning of the relationship and truly discover if you and your lover are compatible and have the ability to compromise. If you are a few years in and contemplating moving in, engagement, or marriage the introduction to a new level is an opportune time to talk about boundaries and expectations. New information is well received when there is no contrary evidence to fight about. There is no way to safeguard from every possible snafu on the relationship front, but below I have listed 10 things that you should definitely explore with the one you love in a non-threatening manner; and what better way than when it is not a problem and just a conversation. With honesty, the outcome of these conversations can paint a much clearer picture of the relationship you are embarking on and better relationship decision making. Relationship Goals – You are looking for friends to date and the other person is falling head over heels for you. You can save each other unnecessary heartache […]

10 Things to Talk About For A Better Relationship

From time to time I like to sit back, relax, and spend some time taking a trip down memory lane by watching music videos from the “golden eras” of hip-hop and soul music via YouTube. If you’re a hip-hop head like me, you can almost let the videos roll one after the next (knowing all the words and even the year they were made). So after being on a video high for nearly an hour, I decided to take a brief intermission to grab my beverage of choice. When I returned, Heavy D’s, “I got nothing but love,” was next in rotation. I remembered the video vividly, because of 2 things: Chris Tucker and the array of beautiful sisters that were present throughout the video. Like the majority of videos in the 90’s, it begins with an entertaining skit. Heavy is joking around with two individuals, one of which is Skeeter (played by Tucker). The camera then pans to a group of young ladies having a candid conversation about their male counterparts. One of the women emphatically stated, “Girl all I know is what’s mine is mine and what’s his is mine.” I had to immediately press pause and let […]

Dating, Relationships and Money. Who Should Pay?

happy older black couple
“Bitterness imprisons life; love releases it.” –  Harry Emerson Fosdick I’m seriously convinced that if you’re a single black woman, over the age 50, you’re going to have a tough way to go in the world of dating. Lets be honest your chances of finding “the one” has diminished slightly over the years. I’m not saying these things to be mean, I am just being realistic. I can relay these thoughts, because I have listened to so many discuss dating. I also live it firsthand myself.  I’ve been single for almost five years. I became divorced after nineteen years of marriage. So what does this have to do with anything? It has to do with the two states of being, that a mature single woman can choose. Notice I said choose to live in. Let me start by telling you a little story. Two years ago I was sitting in a class at church that my Pastor and his wife were teaching for singles. I immediately noticed that there were way more women in the class than men (no surprise there), and out of these women, there were in three types in attendance. The first type were the women that had a man or were […]

Choose Golden Years over Bitter Years.

Black Family Eating
Recently, I was watching one of Chris Rock’s classic stand-up shows, Bigger & Blacker. It never fails that every time I watch it there is one skit that cracks me up with no hesitation—the big piece of chicken. If you haven’t seen it, I recommend you look it up; that’s if you’re looking for a good laugh. Needless to say, it’s downright hilarious. As with the majority of Chris Rock’s jokes, there is always an underlining punch-line of extreme significance. Rock didn’t necessarily have one for this particular skit, so I decided to create one on my own. From various social media outlets to major publications, there have been plenty of discussions on the deterioration of the African-American family. Whether it is teenage pregnancy or single-parent homes, the alarm has been sounding off for decades (many neglect to acknowledge the negative impacts of social-economic factors and mental aspects of post-slavery). There is one headliner that I would like to explore within the context of the comedic skit of the big piece of chicken—head of the household. Before I engage you with this topic, let me break down the meaning of the big piece of chicken for those of you who […]

Who Gets the Big Piece of Chicken?

Black Woman Asking Question
Ah, relationships—white picket fences, little hearts dancing in the mist, violins playing as eyes catch each other, and subtle ‘I love you’s’  drips from our mouths.  And with the snap of a finger, all of it can be gone, because someone decided to tell—the truth. In one way or the other, we’ve all learned this valuable lesson: the truth hurts. Phrases such as, the ugly truth and naked truth, are forewarnings that what you are about to be told—may not be conducive to a positive outcome. The truth can be sharp, abrasive, unapologetic, and downright painful. However, many of us still prefer to take that winding road of agony, which leads to the hills of despair, over the trails of tears. So why do we subject ourselves to it? A line from one of my favorite all-time favorite movies (Love Jones) has been my bread and butter when it comes to this subject. Smooth-talking Darius Lovehall stated, “I learned a long time ago not to ask questions I didn’t want to know the answer to.” I stand by this 100%. Now don’t get me wrong, there are times when you should want and need to know the truth. I’m more […]

Is Honesty Still The Best Policy?

real black love wedding marriage
I’ve seen that a bunch of my Facebook friends have recently gotten engaged. Love is definitely in the air for 2016! Congratulations to everyone who has decided to take that next step. I wanted to share some things with you from a married woman’s prospective: Take a step back and analyze your reason behind saying yes. Are you trying to prove a point to your ex, your friends & family or maybe even yourself? If so, you may want to re-think your decision but only you know that. Be honest with yourself. Do not rush it. I know you are probably eager to take that walk down the isle, but take your time because true love takes time. Evaluate your partner. Is this the person you want to link your soul with until death do you part? Does he/she have the things that you need and I’m not talking about material items? Are they mature, kind, patient & understanding? Do they take care of your heart & do they feed your spirit. These things are far more important than anything they can buy you, not to mention, way more valuable. Be a whole person coming into the marriage – meaning deal with […]

Things to consider before saying “I Do.”

black man sad and depressed
In my 20’s, most emotional baggage references were geared toward women.  In my experience, the words man and baggage would rarely occupy the same sentence. Although naive then, I was intelligent enough to know that it was just a matter of semantics. However, I still formed my opinions regarding how relationship matters should be handled, based on gender. Years of experience led me to believe that women tend to be more in touch with emotions while men generally tend to make decisions based on logic. However, maturity allowed me to understand that men and women possess both the emotional and logical capabilities to end up in the same predicaments – no matter how they get there. Men and women alike can have baggage from childhood, relationships, and other life experiences that render them disadvantaged in relationships. In my 2015 book release, Let Me Tell You Like I Told Myself; Love’s Truth Never Changes (Pen Legacy), I posed a question to my readers asking “Why is it so hard to believe that men are sensitive; sometimes more than women? They are much stronger; they can carry way more baggage.” Are you in love with a man who over packed the emotional baggage?  Are his mental suitcases […]

Baggage Check: is he Carrying too Much?

There once was a girl who wanted to have it all. A great career, travel to distant lands and to find true love. On her quest to discover herself a long the way she encountered some unique experiences. She met someone whom ignited her inside, made her feel alive, and allowed her to fall in love. Everything seemed perfect. Seemed ordained and designed because she thought “Finally, I have what I’ve been waiting for. What I deserve.” Then one day the girl discovered that the person she had fallen for belonged to someone else. He came with about three suitcases filled with baggage. The girl accepted, gave him the benefit of the doubt and still chose to love him. Instead of seeing red flags and protecting her heart form the start of things, she opened herself up to the man even more. Her faith was in him. He was after all a dream come true. The man was educated, handsome, successful, and masculine. She allowed him into the deepest parts of her psyche,trusted him with her affections and began thinking that possibly the future could be a reality. For months, she enjoyed getting to know this man. During this time, […]

The Side Chick That Refused to Cheat Herself

As we are approaching spring mode, closing in on the end of yet another winter, singles are ready to frolic about. Many attest that the city they live in hinders them from finding Mr. or Ms. Right. We have decided to conduct our own research to settle the case once and for all. At, we have conducted a research to find what city is truly the worst for heterosexual black singles. How did we come up with our list of the worst cities for black singles? We started by looking for metropolitan areas with at least 100,000 African-Americans making up 15% or more of the total population. We studied the economic, demographic and social makeup of each city.  The cities listed below were found to be far from perfect matches for resident African-American singles. 10. Charlotte, NC 9. Pittsburgh, PA 8. Washington D.C 7. Houston, TX 6. Denver, CO 5. Detroit, MI 4. Greensboro/Winston Salem, NC 3. Cincinnati, OH 2. San Francisco, CA 1. Atlanta, GA   We want to hear from you. How accurate is this list to you?

10 Worst Cities for Dating Black Singles.