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Choose Golden Years over Bitter Years.

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“Bitterness imprisons life; love releases it.” –  Harry Emerson Fosdick

I’m seriously convinced that if you’re a single black woman, over the age 50, you’re going to have a tough way to go in the world of dating. Lets be honest your chances of finding “the one” has diminished slightly over the years. I’m not saying these things to be mean, I am just being realistic. I can relay these thoughts, because I have listened to so many discuss dating. I also live it firsthand myself.  I’ve been single for almost five years. I became divorced after nineteen years of marriage. So what does this have to do with anything? It has to do with the two states of being, that a mature single woman can choose. Notice I said choose to live in. Let me start by telling you a little story.

Two years ago I was sitting in a class at church that my Pastor and his wife were teaching for singles. I immediately noticed that there were way more women in the class than men (no surprise there), and out of these women, there were in three types in attendance. The first type were the women that had a man or were in engaged and were attending because Pastor said they were technically still single and had to take the class. The second type were women that were truly single but still pleasantly optimistic and happy with life. The last type were women that were just absolutely miserable bitter man haters.

“Hurt leads to bitterness, bitterness to anger, travel too far that road and the way is lost”. – Terry Brooks

It was in that moment that I knew exactly who I didn’t want to be. It’s hard to hold on to the hope, that even in the mature years in life, there is someone out there for you. I don’t turn a crooked eye to the woman or the man as a matter a fact, that has turned sour as a byproduct of failed relationships. I think they become this way because it’s easier, safer. Building an emotional fortress allows you to feel safe. The mantra of, “I’ll never let myself be hurt again”, taking root and growing like weeds. The problem with this is that when you emotionally block yourself off from the world and those around you, you also block the path of anyone that genuinely wants to love you. You’re tossing out the baby with the bathwater.

This is the time in your life when it can be golden! You know more about yourself and what you want out of life and from a partner that you did when you were younger. You’ve learned to make better choices, choices that are right for you. Embrace your maturity and let your light shine. Let the aura of your inner beauty and self confidence cover you. There is someone out there just waiting for you.

Yes, it’s so much harder to continue to love. To continue to hold on to the hope that somewhere out there is “the one”. Is not allowing love to find you worth it? Leave the door open for love. You never know where you will find it.

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